Waiting Stinks |
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You could say I’m an impatient person. I don’t like waiting for things. The Hubs says this makes it very hard to shop for me for Christmas and my birthday because if I want something I go out and get it myself. It’s not that easy when waiting for a baby.
Right now, I’m in my two week wait, and it is not fun. I analyze everything from stomach gurgles to any sort of soreness in the chesticles. Yes, I said chesticles because I just like that made up word. Are my nips sore because I’m pregnant? Or is it post-ovulation symptoms? Could it be because I’m running more and getting some chafing? It’s enough to drive you crazy. For two weeks there is this anticipation and anxiety which is only dashed when the crimson tide rolls in. I hate her by the way. I now understand why people go crazy and check themselves into mental institutes. Then there is the longer waiting that comes when TTCing. Torture for two weeks isn’t enough, but the months and months and years that creep on by babyless take their toll. Whether that be on my mental stability, my friendships, my relationship with the Hubs, it all changes. My mind has always kind of been a scary place to peak into. No one needs to know what runs through my head when I’m alone. Sometimes I think about simple things like what I’m going to have for dinner or wear to work the next day. Other times, I dream of the future—of what could be and what might not ever happen. I like the what could be ones best. I see the Hubs and I at little league games or softball games, we’d be happy at either. I see us on vacation at the beach with a little one running up and down the sand. I see us tucking our little tyke into bed. Those are my happy thoughts, but every now and then I get negative. It happens, and I can’t help it. I won’t go into detail about those thoughts. Let’s just say the up and down has taken it’s toll. I feel more tired. My mind seems to wander more. I just sometimes don’t feel like myself. I’ve changed. Then there are my friendships. I’ve drifted away from some people, but I’ve also become much, much closer to people. It seems that when one woman says something about TTCing a whole chorus rises up with the same story. There are so many of us out there. Then there are the people that just don’t get it. The people that have kids and say things like, “you just wait;” “it’ll happen when the time is right;” and all those other things that just don’t help. They don’t help people! If you don’t know what to say, it’s okay to say, “I’m sorry, that sucks.” I tend to just drift away from people that make me feel worse. There has never been a break-up or fight or anything…just a slow walk back. Really my relationship with the Hubs is good. If anything we have grown closer in our struggle. I know I say it all the time, but he rocks! It’s just the waiting game. I want to know now! I want a baby now! I want to be a mom now! Can you tell I’m in the middle of my two-week wait, and I’m driving my self a little nuts? Comments (5)
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... Chesticles, love that word! I think that all of TTCersgo crazy in the 2ww, esp if we've been TTC for awhile. I know that I analyze every single symptom. It's nuts and I know that it drives DH nuts....which is actually kind of fun. |
Tiffany
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... I totally understand and agree with you. I just entered the 2ww (just as in, just a few hours ago via IUI). You do go crazy and I think it does change you a bit. Stronger yes, more knowledgeable yes, but unfortunatley with the emotional changes you do feel removed from some people you used to be close with. Hang in there and good luck!(from a girl fighting pcos herself) |
Amaprincess
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... I definitely think that a lot of our relationships change because people don't know what to say and they end up saying the wrong thing.... As if the hormones and waiting wasn't driving us crazy enough as it is! |
Rhett
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... It took some time for us to get pregnant also. I must say it is worth the wait. The kids are life altering but one of the best things that has happened to us. My wife has no patience too. Good luck. |
AmyC
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... Just wanted to let you know that I am starting my second month of officially TTC. I find it so funny that there is actually a term for the '2ww'! I thought I was the only one who obsessivly squeezed my boobs ("Is that soreness or am I just hurting myself??") and analized ever little sensation in my body hoping for a sign of pregnancy. And just when I thought something was happening... it was PMS and that red tide biatch came a callin. I truely see how this can take so much out of you. I was really suprised when my husband wasnt completely understanding of how disapointed I felt when I got my period. I want you to know I empathize with you and give you so much credit for picking yourself up each month and continuing. Good luck and I will be so happy for you when you have good news to share! |
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