I Blame Google |
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Apparently, my period heard that I was complaining about her tardiness and decided to show up on time this month. The thing is, I had gotten so accustomed to her irregular behavior, I wasn't expecting her when she made her appearance this weekend. And to make matters worse, the very morning I started, I had dared to hope that I was finally pregnant. I made this ridiculous mistake because Google said that the cramps I was experiencing could indicate pregnancy. You see, I was cramping all day Friday without any sign of my period or the usual PMS symptoms. I also don't usually cramp until after my period starts, so I did some research online and found that many women experience cramping when they're pregnant. Adding to my theory, I knew that we had an appointment with my OB coming up (it was yesterday) and I couldn't help but picture it like this: We're in her office, my husband and I. He's holding my right hand, while my left hand clutches the tissue I'm using to dry my eyes. I explain that it's been 8 months, my period is irregular, and I'm afraid something is seriously wrong. My OB looks at me from across her desk and her eyes sparkle as she says to me, "Johanna, you're not going to believe this, but your pregnancy test was positive!" "Are you sure?" I ask. And she just smiles and nods her head, yes. Something very similar has happened to two of my dear friends, so why shouldn't it happen to me? But my little daydream evaporated on Saturday when I realized I was not pregnant, in the bathroom of TJMaxx. I wouldn't take a pregnancy test at my OB appointment because I already knew I wasn't pregnant. My period told me. And all of TJMaxx thought that I was having a mental breakdown when I emerged from the bathroom clutching the magnetic alphabet letters I had picked up for my future child before I realized I wasn't pregnant. Not yet. You would think that I'd handle it well. It's been eight months, and this time my cycle was 31 days, which appears to be my "regular" cycle. It wasn't like I was two weeks late before I realized that my period was just taking her sweet time. And the past few months I've honest-to-goodness stopped expecting to be expecting. The past few months I haven't even shed a tear when my period started. But this month, I had gotten my hopes up. This month I thought that irony would step in and surprise me. And this month, I was devastated. I still am. I blame Google. |
