Working Through the Self Pity |
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Today is the first day since our BFN that I have given in to the self-pity. It’s been almost two weeks and I had been holding my own, then the e-mail came. My sister-in-law gave birth today to her third child. I now have a niece to complement two wonderful nephews. I don’t begrudge her any happiness, but this event truly strikes up that feeling of “when is it going to be my turn?” And, I do try to use “when” vs. the “it’s never going to be my turn.” But, the feelings I have right now are simply those of sadness. The key, however, to keeping sane through this frustrating process is to allow myself these couple of hours to stomp my feet and shed a few tears. The important part is that afterwards I need to pick myself back up, take a deep breath and keep remembering to be thankful for the life I have right now. All that is easier said than done. Navigating through family and friend relationships when there is this fertility imbalance is tricky. Unless someone has experienced infertility, they’ll never know what it feels like to be on the sidelines of the motherhood club—just watching everybody else be a part of the fun. I will be the first to admit that I have learned some hard lessons through this process. Some friends will be able to give you the space you need to cope, and others will never forgive you for putting your needs first. When you are in this space, it is alright to say no to baby showers or family gatherings. Your happiness and well-being need to come first. However, at the same time, you do want to be a participant in life. Try to figure out what the balance is between hiding away from any “baby” type activities and going to things that are just going to make you miserable. Since my sister-in-law lives 2,000 miles away, we had to consciously decide when we would visit the newborn. We opted to go in the New Year, after Christmas. Holidays and infertility aren’t always a good combination, so we chose to put some space in the two. The truth is that I am excited to finally be buying some “girl clothes.” I love my nephews, but they don’t do ribbons and purple. And, the bottom line is that my niece might be the only little girl in my life—we don’t know what the future is bringing, except a bunch of love from Aunt Vanessa. Comments (3)
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... I totally agree that its healthy to give yourself the time to cry and pout. I got AF last weekend and had a bit of a breakdown. I cried to my husband who just hugged me, and afterwards I wiped my tears and pulled myself together. I felt better for it. |
Angel864
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... You are so right about not knowing how it feels to be "infertile" until it happens to you. I know how you feel right now and sometimes we feel like our dreams have been denied than delayed. I'll continue to keep a positve outlook on life and try not to hide too long from the "baby" functions. LOL. |
j
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... I know exactly how you feel- hang in there. When we got our BFN last year- it was right around my birthday (DEC) and XMAS and all the holidays... We decided not to put ourselves through anything we couldn't handle and we took a trip away from everything and everyone... It was sad but it helped get us through... Good luck |
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