It’s Not Just a Talk |
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I just got back from a few days in Minnesota with my in-laws. If you have been following along, you know that my sister-in-law recently had her third child, a beautiful little girl. We didn’t visit at the holidays, so I was able to postpone dealing with my feelings until this weekend. For the last several weeks Conceive has been nice enough about not requiring that I post as often while I try to ignore my diminishing fertility. Clay and I have been dancing around the topic. It’s been a busy month and not really a subject you want to talk about while you are watching a hockey game, and there are a lot of hockey games this month as teams cram them in before the Olympics hiatus. My list of excuses is a mile long for not having “the talk.” It’s not really a “talk.” It is more of a deciding moment. We have three choices in our journey: 1) Continuing to pursue assisted reproductive procedures with my own eggs 2) Moving on to donor egg 3) Living a child-free existence Even though I’d like to believe that my eggs have ‘no expiration date,’ I cannot deny the facts that we have had two failed IVF cycles and one natural miscarriage. I have no doubt that the wonderful Dr. M would still encourage me to keep trying and working to find the golden egg. Unfortunately, IVF is not covered under our health insurance plan and we don’t have unlimited resources. In looking at informal statistics, I believe that we have an equally good chance just trying on our own. After spending the weekend with two nephews and a niece—all under the age of 4, I have to say I was questioning whether or not I wanted to work that hard. There is something to be said for only having the responsibility of a marriage and a four-legged kid. Every time I sat down to read a magazine, there were these pleading eyes to help build a new fort with Lincoln Logs. In bed that night, Clay and I had to own up to our fears of being scared of parenthood. The best cure for those fears is the smell of a new baby. My little six-week old niece had that wonderful scent—I don’t know how it is that new babies all have that same aroma. She was such a cutie that I forgot about my infertility challenges, except for one tearful moment when I heard the little one crying in the middle of the night. It was then that I wished that it was me who would be rushing to comfort a baby, and getting those extra hours of sleep didn’t matter. Sometimes answers are right there in front of us, we just have to have our eyes open. Clay and I did finally find time to have the talk while we were on the trip. However, what we decided is the topic for another blog… Comments (2)
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... I cannot wait to read what your decision is  This is a talk that I have contemplated having with DH. |
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