13 weeks

Isolation

One of the many survival methods I used while struggling with my infertility was isolation. It was easier, at times, to separate myself from others rather than deal with the emotions that could bubble up to the surface at random moments. Isolation was something I practiced a lot at work, especially when I was having a hard day. I am only now realizing how much I truly isolated myself at work.

My Worst Day

Just a warning to those with weak stomachs you might not want to read this post.

Wednesday started as many days did last week, with a visit to the bathroom to vomit. I also went in to work for a couple of hours to help with a few things and to decide what Doug needed to help me with this coming Monday. We had to take everything off the walls in my school at the end of the year because they were painting. So, everything in my classroom is boxed up. Obviously I can’t move anything heavy now so I need a helper to set up my classroom.

Eyes Wide Open

I think most people assume they know what it will be like to be a parent, especially those of us who wait years for the opportunity. We think we are prepared and ready for our lives to change. I know I thought this and I still think I am ready for my life to change for the better but I have gotten a glimpse into my new life as a parent and I have to admit, I am overwhelmed.

Am I a Bad Pregnant Friend?

After reading one of the other Conceive blogger’s posts, I was wondering, “am I being a bad pregnant friend?” I know all my friends on Facebook, and everyone else in our lives, knows that Doug and I struggled for years to get pregnant. But am I rubbing it in people’s faces now? I did announce my pregnancy on Facebook and Twitter, but I know people were waiting to know. Was this wrong?

Heartbeats and so much more…

I think I am finally starting to enjoy being pregnant. Everyday isn’t perfect, but I am starting to find that enjoyment that I had been waiting and hoping for. This week has actually been a lot of fun for me. I have been busy hanging out with friends.

Monday was my second ultrasound and I was expecting to see the baby’s heartbeat. Unfortunately, Doug wasn’t able to come because of work. So I invited one of my IF buddies who lives in the area to come with me; she is also pregnant and just a few days behind us. It was great having a buddy along just in case I got the worst news, but of course everything looked just as it should. I go back for my last ultrasound with my RE on Tuesday next week and then I graduate to a regular OB like other pregnant women.

Survival

For about the last 3 years I have been in survival mode. All of my energy has been focused on getting pregnant. Every thought in my head was about becoming pregnant and everything I ate was to help me get pregnant too.

One of my survival techniques was always to plan forward. Instead of focusing on the disappointment of every month I would focus on the next month or the next treatment. Now that we are pregnant I catch myself still doing this. I am planning for the future, such as the next kid. Doug and I have different ideas how #2 is coming but why do we need to decide this now. We don’t, I need to focus on this little bean and enjoy this pregnancy. There is no need for me to live in the future anymore.

The Looking Glass

I have to say that I didn’t expect my life to change so much once we were finally pregnant but it has in so many more ways than I expected. Among the many changes is how I feel about my own infertility. I thought it would take me years to get over the infertility stigma that I’ve carried for the last three years. It was surprising to me the almost instant change in my perspective.

Dreams do come true, the BFP dream

I don’t even know where to begin and part of me still can’t believe it but “I AM PREGNANT!” Seriously, if I didn’t feel different I still wouldn’t believe it. I started to feel different Saturday. That’s when the dizziness, low grade fever, and what I am now going to call pregnancy brain all started. Pregnancy brain is (for me) when your head is all groggy and not completely where you are. I started to have a hunch then that I might be pregnant but I wouldn’t let myself completely believe until I heard my RE tell me “Susan, you’re pregnant.”

Speak Out About Infertility

When I originally starting writing I talked about the specific meetings that I went to but now I am realizing that that isn’t the most important thing. The most important thing about Advocacy Day is educating the uneducated about infertility and infertility treatments. This became very apparent after talking with another participant at the reception after all of our meetings and reading comments on an article about infertility coverage.